How to Make a Cup of Tea

As much as I may be acculturated and ensconced in the culture of North America, I feel compelled to correct a glaring and ubiquitous cultural deficiency.

I cannot count the times I’ve seen a waitress reach for a Pyrex coffee pot containing insipid, brown water from the warming plate on top of a coffee machine, and then pour that wretched dreck into a cheap metal tea pot and place a tea bag on top of the pot. I repeat: on top, and outside of the tea pot.

I have watched in horror as these inept attempts are brought to the table, without milk, barely warm, served with a shrivelled slice of lemon on the side in what can best be described in biblical terms as an abomination unto the lord. (small l intentional) While I acknowledge the lack of training and cultural depravation in this field, I cannot forgive the continued and seemingly cavalier abuses to the fine art of tea-making.

Consequently, I offer a few invaluable tips on making a decent cuppa.

Let’s start with the water. It must be fresh and cold. Pouring hot water into the kettle may save you a little boiling time but the sacrifices to taste are far too great. It should be noted that water from the hot tap has often been sitting in a tank for too long and will have lost its zest, its will to live. It is flat and lifeless and will ultimately disappoint. Let the cold tap run for a minute or two to clear out the pipes and possible residues. There are bacteria and various dubious elements in tap water known to be harmful. More importantly, they can adversely affect the palate.

Now fill the kettle and bring it to a glorious, rolling boil.

While a bag in a cup will suffice, loose tea in a pot is preferable. Which brings us to the most important and critical factor—the tea itself. Despite the dizzying array of teas on offer, one should not be fooled by faddist collections of herbal, fruited, flowered and scented atrocities available. These concoctions may have their time and place but, rest assured, they will not deliver an authentic cup of British tea. If one is to achieve the characteristic flavour, texture and fragrance of a traditional English cuppa, then Ceylon tea is a must. If you insist on dabbling with a blend, choose one with a maximum of 30 percent Darjeeling. But be warned, this will give you a slightly more full-bodied tea but you will sacrifice some of the sweetness, the velvet texture, and the taste of pure Ceylon.

Next—and this is key to proper infusion—the water must hit the tea at a rolling boil. This is a common mistake and cannot be emphasized enough. Any delay or distraction in marrying the boiling water with the bag or leaf may result in inferior infusion, rendering the finished product substandard, fit only to be poured down the toilet. Concentration, timing, and a steady hand are essential tools of the serious tea-maker.

Next, the brew must be allowed to infuse properly and for the correct amount of time. A clock will be of no use here. Instructions on packages that claim specific amounts of brewing time, two, four, or even six minutes, are misleading and irresponsible. Tea left too long will release tannins and be rendered acidic or bitter. Too short a brew will result in an insipid and flavourless product, surely destined for the toilet bowl.

It is the strength and amount of tea that will dictate timing. Let go of all temporal considerations. Trust yourself. Let colour, and not the clock be your guide. Tastes may vary but a middle ground is often best. Not too light. Not too dark. In time, and with committed practice, you will come to recognise the perfect colour. We are looking for a mid-golden brown with a bronze patina.

The cup, too, is of paramount importance. To assess the correct shade, one must use a cup with a white interior. A dark interior, black or red, will render it impossible to ascertain anything useful. Any ceramic or fine china will suffice. Never plastic, paper or, perish the thought, Styrofoam. There is no sweeter sound than the gentle clink of bone china against a spoon or saucer. It is a bell of freedom, a clarion call to a brighter, better world.

The size of the cup is also vital. Large mugs should be avoided at all cost. Too large a cup can leave the last quarter of the brew cold, dull, and undrinkable, leaving you with an unhappy memory of the experience, a feeling of loss or sadness. One should be left with a feeling of completion and fulfillment.

A good cup of tea should make you optimistic about the future.

When the perfect colour has been achieved, waste no time in removing the tea from the teapot. Do not, under any circumstances, squash or bruise the tea at this stage. Pressing the bag between two spoons is a barbaric practice and to be avoided at all costs. Gently remove the bag with the utmost care. The separation must be swift and decisive to avoid over-steeping. Hesitation is the enemy of the committed tea connoisseur. No less when it comes to adding the milk. A steady hand and a keen eye are of the essence when pouring milk. Dribbling should be avoided and an over-pour can be catastrophic. Take charge. Pour with confidence and control.

Milk must be whole and no less than 3.5 percent fat. Skimmed will not work, and don’t even think about milk substitutes. This will inevitably end badly. Once again, colour is your guide. Too little and the tea ends up too strong; too much, and you are left with a milky mess and a hopeless situation. Disposal in the lavatory will be your only option.

If you have done everything right, you should now be in proud possession of a hot, deep-brown beverage bursting with flavour and fragrance. Act quickly. This is not the time to get distracted.

It’s time to enjoy a nice cup of tea.

As for the thorny issue of sugar, it is not recommended. Instead, learn to adjust your taste buds to the natural sweetness inherent in the tea. It may take some time to fine-tune your palate, but with determination and resolve, the rewards can be substantial.

We are now ready to drink this marvelous creation. Tea must be sipped vigorously until completely consumed. Any unnecessary delays can result in a loss of both heat and flavour. Halfway through, a moderate gulp is acceptable but never a swig.

Now enjoy to the last satiating drop. Savour the moment. Breathe in the dulcet fumes. Time will stand still and life, for a few precious moments, will be imbued with meaning and purpose.